Career Plan

Over my years, even though I haven't had many, what I have deemed as my "career" has changed pretty drastically. First I wanted to be a pilot, then I wanted to be Barney Stinson, and then more recently it's been game design. I have always kind of wanted to work on games, and more specifically, get to make one that becomes apart of my favorite series; the Legend of Zelda. I don't know what happened but the more I got into the gaming community, and the more the YouTube community grows the more I find myself imagining all of the cool worlds I have imagined, explored, or saw, and how I could make them my own, or exist in the first place. Subconsciously, I believe the craving to create and control a world of my own that is outside of the laws of our world has always been apart of me, only now that I have put so much time into games have I realized how much that inspires me. I have a few ideas, for games that is. There aren't many of them, but they are huge. If I ever get to bring them to life in the way I want, the one I intend to make first would completely change how games are made. I intend to make the "World Seed", to put it simply. For those who don't know what that is, hopefully I get to show you one day. That's what I want right now, as far as "Career Plan" goes anyway. Personally I don't really think a career plan is important. If you like what you do than it's not really a job, right? So, just do what makes you happy, in whatever way you can think of that will make you proud of your work and get your needs taken care of, whatever they may be. I really hope I can show you someday, that's what I want to leave behind for the world.

The Longest Year.

2014, the year I become what "America, the Brave" deems adulthood. I can hardly say that my 18th birthday will be one that changes a lot. Even so, I find myself waiting in anticipation for the ability to buy things I don't care about, and join a club that I won't join. More so, I find myself thinking of which friends I'm going to see walk away from where I currently call home, and which ones I'm going to still be calling my friends by the end of 2015. Every day seems a little bit longer than the day before, but when I find myself trying to reminisce about the past the time seems to have flied by. The funny thing is I heard someone I have lost say these exact same thing when he was my age. What's great is with everything that's happening, so far this year has been my best. I don't think I have ever been as happy as I am right now, and it doesn't look like something bad is coming up to change that. By this point I have already jinxed that, though, so I'm probably going to have to write about how horrible everything has gone since the last post I made pretty soon. Honestly, only one thing comes to mind when I try to think of something that could make me happier than I am now. I guess I'm going to have to wait until I'm 18 to get that, though. She's worth the wait though.

Reminiscence

In my last year of adolescence, I find myself craving independence, even when all those that left it before me tell me to "cherish it while it lasts." For a while I took this to heart. I had the "YOLO" state-of-mind. I was care-free. To most, I still am (care-free, that is). However, the more I look at myself the more I realize I haven't had adolescence in a long time. I've lived lifetimes, I have struggled through things only those with vastly amounts of years on me have experienced, and I have broken like Humpty-Dumpty. Which was a surprisingly true bed-time story. Everyone around me tried to fix it, tried to make it better, tried to help. In the end, though, only I could do anything about it. I had put on this immense weight to help those around me, those that needed me. In my eyes, I held up the world, like Atlas, who holds the sky. Though I don't hold any physical scars from this I feel the missing pieces, like a puzzle from goodwill. I can tell I am missing something from the child who fell apart, but pretended he was OK for those he loved. The question I have been asking myself is: do I want those pieces back? I don't feel weaker, or lost. I feel empathetic. Something I'm not sure I felt before. I knew what pain was, but I hadn't experienced it. Now, even though I act similar, perhaps even the same, I think different. I analyze, sympathize. Before I just blindly tried to help without knowing why. After all this I have come to the conclusion that, while I am mostly the same, before I was more independent than I am now. Now, I have my best friend. I had him before, but that was simple friendship. He was like me, he was cool, nice, someone I could talk to. Now I think I kind of need him. Although I did my best to protect him from what I knew everyone involved was going through. I know I couldn't stop everything, but even what I did ended up scarring a little. Anyway, if you're reading this my friend, I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was going on. I was doing something I have been unfortunately trained to do, put others before myself, and while I know I would do it again. I also know you were probably trying to help me just as much, now that I look back. If everyone is the hero of their own story, than you are definitely my Navi. Hopefully I'm yours. Try not to go anywhere, I'm more dependent on you than anyone else buddy. 

What's Next?

After What Happened, I am not really sure what to do. I know who I want to be around. Even though I know that it rarely happens I want to keep my high school friends. From what I hear, after high school everyone goes their separate ways, and for the most part, you don't get to see them again. Hopefully, all my close friends don't see it that way. I know it's a bit far fetched but I would like to have an apartment, flat, loft, what-have-you with all of them. See what life is like when you have a family made up of friends. I mean I consider all of my friends family, but it would be pretty cool to get to live with them for a few years while I, and they, are in community college/done with high school. They seem pretty enticed by the idea, and I don't blame them. Friends fight, but best budds get over it pretty quickly and I don't think we would fight that much. If we managed to work it out that would probably be one of the best experiences I could have. Think I'm going to talk to 'em about it tomorrow, I mean I only have a year left with my parents. I should probably start planning what happens afterwords, right? Not sure how likely it is that I'll find a 4 bedroom place for rent in kitsap though. Guess I'll have to start looking. Later guys.

What happened?

Recently, one of my friends and I were talking and as a joke he said "What happened to you?" Which had a surprising amount of impact on me. It made me think about how much different I was a year ago and the only real thing that is different in my life from then to now, is that I started to meditate and actually think about who I am, and what I want. The first question is pretty easy to answer: I am me, the product of my upbringing. I do what I do because whether or not it's easy it's what I believe is right for me, or whoever I am acting for; Alex, Austin, Rayne, Ian, etc. However the second part isn't as easy to answer, only about a week ago did I even have an answer. I used to want to be a hero. Someone everyone knows, even if it's only for a short amount of time. I wanted stories written about me, songs sung. I wanted to be immortalized in the lives of those I affected, yet did not know. I didn't care what it cost me, I wanted it all. At one point I even considered abandoning someone who needed me so I could pursue that easier. But, that's over. I don't want that. Those kind of dreams are what corrupts people. Those kind of desires are what stop people from being themselves. Now I don't know what I want to do with my life. But I do know what changed what I want in life. It was a teacher of mine. A fellow student of mine asked a question along the lines of "How can that be? Last quarter we were taught something that contradicts the new information you just gave us." To which my professor replied "The more you know, the more lies you realize you were fed up to that point." Afterword everyone laughed and we moved on with the lecture. I didn't take that to heart at the time, and to be honest it didn't even have an effect on me until a month ago. But now, I realize that it's true, and I have made a slight alteration to it; "The more you know, the more lies you realize you were fed up to that point. So, who's to say you aren't being lied to now?" That's what changed me. I don't want to be remembered for "saving" people when I had to kill thousands to do it. I don't want to be remembered for "discovering" something that we've known about for years, just not released to the public. I can't do that. I learned from my teacher that being a hero is something only a coward can do. It's something that takes the ability to put one life above another. I just cannot do that. So for a while I was kind of lost. I didn't know what I wanted out of life, or what I wanted to do. And then I realized where the dreams of being a hero came from. They came from non-other-than The Legend of Zelda. To be more precise, the main character, Link. I have always wanted to have done something to be remembered by, and in my eyes there is nobody who has done more to be remembered than him. But, he isn't a hero. A hero is someone who acts selfishly to gain fame, fortune, etc. Link doesn't do that. He acts solely to save those he cares about. To save those who can't save themselves. A kid, no older than I, walks into the fires of whatever evil presents itself only to try to save his friends. That's what I want. I want to be remembered not by everyone, but by those I love. I don't want to be some hero who gets forgotten after he dies. I want to be someone who is immortalized by those he loves. I want to be a legend among my friends. They're all unforgettable to me. I want to be that to them.

And to you who influenced this post, you know who you are. Thank you, hope you don't go anywhere buddy. Not sure I could live without you.

One Silver, the Other Gold.

New friends are great, but old are better.
This doesn't rhyme, not all of the time.
Hanging with friends, laughing on ends.
Debating  views, because that's what we do.
Running out of rhymes, screw it.
My buddy Sam is coming over, and I haven't seen him in a long time so it's gonna be fun. I have known him longer than most of my friends, hence the title. Probably not gonna do much but talk, and catch up. Ohh and to explain a little further, I used to have to specify which Sam I was hanging out with, because I frequently hung out with two different Sams'. However, I only ever see one of them now so the title should make more sense. Amway, I gotta clean my stuff up, so that's gonna be it for today. Later guys

Getting Back Into The Swing of Things

After my second Winter Quarter of college comes to a start, I notice that while most things are the same, more than is noticeable is different. I think a bit differently, I talk a little differently, and as I write this I realize this happens every quarter. Every time I go back to something I used to, I'm just a little bit different.  I'm actually really excited for what kind of changes happen this quarter, because I'm taking Humanities, and Philosophy, rather than just taking required classes, like math, English, or language classes. Hopefully the change is for the better this time around though, because I can guarantee some of the changes haven't been good. Although, I can't say I regret it. Old feels good. I enjoy routine, without some reason to get up in the morning, I start to not get up in the morning, and it ends up feeling like a waste. Scouts started up as of yesterday, so I got some new responsibilities as of this year. I am now the Troop Guide, which means I am in charge of all the young Scouts and making sure they know what's what. This quarter looks like it's going to be a good one I am really ecstatic about all of this. Anyway, time to go make lunch. Later, guys.

New Quarter

Hello guys, now that the quarter has started I will be posting every day or two in an attempt to get some sort of schedule in place. Sorry for the huge delay. Hope your guys' holiday season was as awesome as mine. Later guys.