Reminiscence

In my last year of adolescence, I find myself craving independence, even when all those that left it before me tell me to "cherish it while it lasts." For a while I took this to heart. I had the "YOLO" state-of-mind. I was care-free. To most, I still am (care-free, that is). However, the more I look at myself the more I realize I haven't had adolescence in a long time. I've lived lifetimes, I have struggled through things only those with vastly amounts of years on me have experienced, and I have broken like Humpty-Dumpty. Which was a surprisingly true bed-time story. Everyone around me tried to fix it, tried to make it better, tried to help. In the end, though, only I could do anything about it. I had put on this immense weight to help those around me, those that needed me. In my eyes, I held up the world, like Atlas, who holds the sky. Though I don't hold any physical scars from this I feel the missing pieces, like a puzzle from goodwill. I can tell I am missing something from the child who fell apart, but pretended he was OK for those he loved. The question I have been asking myself is: do I want those pieces back? I don't feel weaker, or lost. I feel empathetic. Something I'm not sure I felt before. I knew what pain was, but I hadn't experienced it. Now, even though I act similar, perhaps even the same, I think different. I analyze, sympathize. Before I just blindly tried to help without knowing why. After all this I have come to the conclusion that, while I am mostly the same, before I was more independent than I am now. Now, I have my best friend. I had him before, but that was simple friendship. He was like me, he was cool, nice, someone I could talk to. Now I think I kind of need him. Although I did my best to protect him from what I knew everyone involved was going through. I know I couldn't stop everything, but even what I did ended up scarring a little. Anyway, if you're reading this my friend, I'm sorry I didn't tell you what was going on. I was doing something I have been unfortunately trained to do, put others before myself, and while I know I would do it again. I also know you were probably trying to help me just as much, now that I look back. If everyone is the hero of their own story, than you are definitely my Navi. Hopefully I'm yours. Try not to go anywhere, I'm more dependent on you than anyone else buddy.