What happened?

Recently, one of my friends and I were talking and as a joke he said "What happened to you?" Which had a surprising amount of impact on me. It made me think about how much different I was a year ago and the only real thing that is different in my life from then to now, is that I started to meditate and actually think about who I am, and what I want. The first question is pretty easy to answer: I am me, the product of my upbringing. I do what I do because whether or not it's easy it's what I believe is right for me, or whoever I am acting for; Alex, Austin, Rayne, Ian, etc. However the second part isn't as easy to answer, only about a week ago did I even have an answer. I used to want to be a hero. Someone everyone knows, even if it's only for a short amount of time. I wanted stories written about me, songs sung. I wanted to be immortalized in the lives of those I affected, yet did not know. I didn't care what it cost me, I wanted it all. At one point I even considered abandoning someone who needed me so I could pursue that easier. But, that's over. I don't want that. Those kind of dreams are what corrupts people. Those kind of desires are what stop people from being themselves. Now I don't know what I want to do with my life. But I do know what changed what I want in life. It was a teacher of mine. A fellow student of mine asked a question along the lines of "How can that be? Last quarter we were taught something that contradicts the new information you just gave us." To which my professor replied "The more you know, the more lies you realize you were fed up to that point." Afterword everyone laughed and we moved on with the lecture. I didn't take that to heart at the time, and to be honest it didn't even have an effect on me until a month ago. But now, I realize that it's true, and I have made a slight alteration to it; "The more you know, the more lies you realize you were fed up to that point. So, who's to say you aren't being lied to now?" That's what changed me. I don't want to be remembered for "saving" people when I had to kill thousands to do it. I don't want to be remembered for "discovering" something that we've known about for years, just not released to the public. I can't do that. I learned from my teacher that being a hero is something only a coward can do. It's something that takes the ability to put one life above another. I just cannot do that. So for a while I was kind of lost. I didn't know what I wanted out of life, or what I wanted to do. And then I realized where the dreams of being a hero came from. They came from non-other-than The Legend of Zelda. To be more precise, the main character, Link. I have always wanted to have done something to be remembered by, and in my eyes there is nobody who has done more to be remembered than him. But, he isn't a hero. A hero is someone who acts selfishly to gain fame, fortune, etc. Link doesn't do that. He acts solely to save those he cares about. To save those who can't save themselves. A kid, no older than I, walks into the fires of whatever evil presents itself only to try to save his friends. That's what I want. I want to be remembered not by everyone, but by those I love. I don't want to be some hero who gets forgotten after he dies. I want to be someone who is immortalized by those he loves. I want to be a legend among my friends. They're all unforgettable to me. I want to be that to them.

And to you who influenced this post, you know who you are. Thank you, hope you don't go anywhere buddy. Not sure I could live without you.